Trope-a-Lanche: The Serial Killer Movie
How do we know when we’ve watched too many movies? Do you know who dun it, before they dun tol’ you? Have you spotted tropes (recognizable storytelling patterns, familiar devices, themes, character...
View ArticleToo Many Movies, Too Many Tropes I: The Heist Movie
How do you know when you’ve watched too many movies? Some of us know the patterns and themes so well that the joy of discovery in most films is so gone that we probably won’t be able to thoroughly...
View ArticleKilling the Irish II: Oliver Cromwell
Oliver Cromwell was ON A MISSION FROM GOD to destroy Ireland. Historians don’t care for that word “destroy”. “He didn’t want to destroy Ireland,” they say. “It was a British colony. Why would he want...
View ArticleKilling the Irish: The Great Potato Famine
When The Great Potato Famine was over in 1852, one million people in Ireland were dead. Most of them were dead from the long, slow, and torturous death of starvation and the epidemics that followed....
View ArticleOzzy Osbourne is “That Thing at the Door”
“There’s this thing at the door asking for you?” the brother of Terence Michael Joseph “Geezer” Butler informed him. “What do you mean this thing?” Geezer asked. “You’ll see.” Geezer didn’t get...
View Article‘Good Boy!’
“Try saying something other than ‘Good boy’ to your dog the next time you reward them for good behavior,” said a human who claimed to know more about dogs than other humans. “Your dog gets tired of...
View ArticleThe NFL is Perfect! The NFL is Doomed!
Chuck Klosterman and I grew up on football, the Notre Americano, the United States, and NFL version. As such, the two of us are about as far from objective as two people can be on a discussion about...
View ArticleShouting at Smart Systems
“It’s not an unquestionable and indisputable fact that Jim Brown was the greatest running back of all time,” I shouted at the people in my Smart TV. “I think it was Walter Payton, but at least I...
View ArticleMr. Q is Quiet
I felt a deep connection to something when I touched the material composition of Polyvinyl Chloride, Thermoplastic Polyurethane, that also incorporates nylon or polyester, otherwise known as the beach...
View ArticleDead and Gone: The Rock Stars of Yesteryear
Some of my favorite artists are dead now, and some of them are just gone. What do we do when one of our favorite artists die. When they die at twenty-nine-years-old, it’s a time for mourning, and a...
View ArticleFigurative Schemes of Thought
“Teachers teach to the dumbest kids in class,” a former student said to try to explain why we all found school so boring. It felt like truth when I read that, unvarnished, “the stuff they don’t want...
View ArticleMike Patton: Maestro del Differente
You want to get weird? I’m not talking about the weird music our aunts and uncles might chuckle at or say, “Hey, that’s kinda neat-o.” I’m talking about a strain so close to normal that they might be a...
View ArticleThe Chosen Ones? Jordan, Einstein, and “The Babe” Defy the Myths
We have a tendency to diminish the
View ArticleIt’s Special
“Watch Alien Romulus,” a friend of mine said. “It’s special.” I loved that characterization. I wish I thought of it. To set up the backdrop of this characterization, my friend and I have a long...
View ArticleHi, I’m Larry, this is my brother Darry, and this is my other brother Darryl
“Hi, I’m Larry, this is my brother Darryl, and this is my other brother Darryl,” the actor William Sanderson, playing Larry, would say to introduce he and the brothers Darryl played by Tony Papenfuss...
View ArticleBill Murray is Funny
“It can’t be that easy for him,” Steve Martin is reported to have said about friend and fellow actor Bill Murray. “It just can’t.” Some guys are just funny. We hated them in high school, because they...
View ArticleThe Wars of the Wonderful
“The test of a first-rate intelligence is the ability to hold two opposed ideas in the mind at the same time, and still retain the ability to function. One should, for example, be able to see that...
View ArticleThe Primal Instincts of Dog and Man
We love our kids unconditionally. We would love to love our dogs condition-free, except for one nagging issue, the poop thing. “Why does he eat it? How do I get her to stop?” It’s so gross that it’s...
View ArticleIt was the Best of Times … In Entertainment
“It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness.” --Charles Dickens’ A Tale of Two Cities It’s the human condition to believe we live in...
View ArticleHow The Brady Bunch Damaged Him
“The thing about being human is,” Bob Peters said to initiate a conversation with my friend Arnold Glass. “No, I am human,” Arnold said. “I’m standing right before you, two arms, and two legs just like...
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