On a scale of one to ten, how bad do you think your situation was?
“A fifteen!” will likely be the answer. If that's not the exact number they choose, we can be sure that whatever number they choose will be outside the 'one to ten' parameters we set up in our question.
IndianJDentRes_2012_23_5_686_107411_u1By now, most of us understand the overwhelming need people have to stray from the parameters, to help us understand that the situation they just experienced was of such an unprecedented magnitude that placing it in normal human parameters will not do it justice. By doing this so often, however, we have not only rendered the parameters meaningless, but the unnecessarily extreme answers as well. We’ve arrived at a point where if someone does remain within the parameters and answers with a ten, we will walk away with the "nothing to see here" mindset that witnesses of a tragedy have when the last bloody body is removed. Further details may reveal the tragedy as the worst either party has ever experienced, but the “ten” answer just feels so anticlimactic in lieu of the advancements we've made in this assessment conversation that we can't help but think that it's impossible to capture magnitude within the parameters. If we run across a perpetual parameter preserver, we might wonder if they are of foreign descent, and thus unfamiliar with the advancements we've made, or if their unusual desire to stay within the parameters suggests that they might on the spectrum.
For those that can’t pound a point home, without straying from the parameters, an acceptable alternative can be found in an excessive use of syllables. The rules of syllabication are often used to punctuate comedic points, but they can also be used to pound ultra-serious points home in a manner few other answers can. How bad do you think that situation was? “A seven-point-seven!” What? “I’m telling you, ‘My bone cleaveth to my skin and to my flesh, and I am escaped with the skin of my teeth.’”
One reason those that stray from parameters do so, may have something to do with a subconscious realization that single syllable numbers like eight, nine, and ten don't have the same emotional impact that multisyllabic numbers will. This coupled with the fact that seven is less than those numbers, prompts some people to go outside the parameter of the question searching for answers. Yet, most of us have reached a point where these answers have become so common that their intended syllabic resonance has faded. It's become a cliche at this point, and if you're looking for sympathetic impact you want to do all you can to avoid cliches. The decimal point not only allows the user to almost triple their syllabic output, but it may also provide your assessment of the situation the illusion of expert exactitude. Your audience will surely be confused by such an answer initially, but that confusion could progress to awe, and it may eventuate into a greater need to understand your plight. "Holy Criminy! What happened again?!" Those of us that have heard the parameter stretching answers used so often that they’re meaningless now, are sure that most users do so based on the idea that there are no alternatives, and while we make no claim to this being the answer to all of your illustrative needs, it might be one to consider the next time you feel the need to extract an exaggerated amount of sympathy from your peers.![]()
